The Nellie Spot

I had my interview this morning...and here's how it went:

I met the guy I would work for and went into the conference room. I sat down and he sat across from me. I'm all prepared for the interview.

In comes Thug #1 and sits down to my left.

The 3 of us begin the interview as most interviews begin.
"Why are you applying?"
"What makes you think you can do this job?"
"This is what you'd be doing..."

In comes Thug #2 and sits across from me.

Thug #1 begins asking why I hadn't applied for an anlyst position at my current company. I explained that we had extremely low turnover and had not had an open position for a year and a half. He frowned and said,

"I find that extremely hard to believe. We are growing like crazy and assume your comany is
too. So how is it that no positions opened?"

I look at him a bit strangely and respond,

"We grew proactively, not reactively to our growing business; therefore we were already
staffed when the business started growing."

He frowned again and repeated his statement: "I find that hard to believe."

Now would be a good time to mention that this guy, Thug #1 was kind of short, with a very small head. He was wearing a polo shirt with all 3 buttons undone. To top off this classy style, an enigma of black, curly chest hair protruded from the gaping shirt. I could barely take my eyes off of it. It was mezmorizing...

In chimes Thug #2, who was much more polite but also extremely poignant in his questioning.

"Let's say you have this scenario: [explanation of scenario]. What would you look for to explain
what is happening?"

This was a great question and had prepared for a question of that nature. I gave my answer and got a pleasant response: "That's really great analysis for being on-the-fly and not having any analyst history!"

I smiled and thanked Thug #2.

All the while, the guy I thought I would be interviewing with is merely sitting there watching my every move. I swear, it was like a Soprano was sitting across me with his "strong arms" grilling me. I was waiting for the tommy guns, baseball bats, and cement mixer to come out of the walls!

Thug #1 (the "I have mastered the art of bullying by using my chest hair as a weapon" guy) says this:
"So, you're looking to expand your skill set into analyst work. You know, once a person has
those skills, they are highly marketable in this area. And you're jumping ship at Nestle after
3 years to 'expand'. Why should we believe that you'll be a long-term employee after 2 years
of our training and experience and not jump ship and go after more money?"

I reply,
"Honestly, that's the risk any employer takes, especially around here in the supplier world.
When one person leaves a company, like dominoes, people filter into open positions at other
companies for a pay increase to do the same job. I have worked 3+ years at Nestle and am
still enjoying my job; however I see no opportunity for advancement with this company and
would like to work long-term for a similar company, namely you."

Thug #2 chimes in, moving in a different direction: (alternating comments him/me)
"Do you watch the stock market?"
"Just the Dow Jones, and on a top-line basis to see the economic trend"
"Did you look up Unilver's stock information before you came here?"
"No, Unilever is a European-based company and isn't sold on the U.S. market. I don't check
those markets"
"Do you know what products we sell?"
"I went to your website, but it did not provide much detail, mainly topline & foreign brands."
"So you don't know much about our company?"
"Honestly, I do not. I know it is a CPG company similar to Nestle, but that we don't compete
on many fronts, mainly Ice Cream and Nutrition products."
"Ok. So you don't know much about our company."
"No, not really."

Last tidbit of conversation with Thug #1:
"Are you committed to the job? Meaning, are you willing to put in the hours it requires?"
"What kind of hours are we talking about?"
"6:30 AM to 5:30 PM"
I pause and think on how to reply...truth or sell-out?....I reply, "On a regular basis?"
"Yes"
"No, I am not committed to those hours, and I'll explain myself here. I have seen $50 million
businesses run effectively and grown effectively with a normal 7:30 to 5:30 schedule. Unless
there is pressing matters or presentations to prepare for, I see no need to arrive at work at
6:30 AM. Not saying that I wouldn't, but on a regular basis, I see no need. To me, if you're
having to work that long every day, you're not being effective with your time, or your not
utilizing technology enough to save time. Nestle has some of the best analysts you'll ever find
and rarely are they there before 7:30 or after 6:00 PM. They have analysis down to an art
because they utilize more than Excel and canned reports from Retail Link. They dig deep into
the numbers and details, and do it fast due to technology which I helped them build. So to
summarize, no...I am not committed to those hours on a regular basis. I know that's not the
'correct' answer, but I assure you, I can do the same job in less time with better analysis."
"That's a pretty cocky answer for not knowing our products, buyers, and situation!"
"Yes it is, but I also understand that most people here don't use Microsoft Access, and my
degree is in database design, implementation and utilization. That's my secret weapon."
"That was a really interesting conversation."

So, the interview continues for a full hour, and I'm dehydrated from sweating so much. My eyes are blurry and watery from staring ceaselessly at Thug #1's chest hair, and my head is spinning because I answered in not very politically-correct sentences.

So I'll hear back from them within the next 2 weeks with a "thanks but no thanks" or a "come in for a second interview". Should be interesting to see what they do....